


The Talk

by Hermit9



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Dean Talks About Feelings, Gen, John Winchester's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:12:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6563974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermit9/pseuds/Hermit9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt : Season 1 Episode 1 - Sam and Dean. I'm super curious as to how they work their shit out (re: Sam leaving and becoming a freakin lawyer...) on that first hunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> The conversation that really should have happened. Assuming here that Sam is working on a lot less sleep deficit then Dean and that he had access to free psychological help on campus. And a blatant attempt to give him some intrinsic motivation instead of fridging his love interest because, really... Also, slight trigger warning as I have Dean go through a short panic attack while dealing with feelings.

His Baby purring around him, almost worn out cassette tape playing, noises just washing over him. His overgrown brother sleeping against the window, knees akimbo and no doubt bruising from trying to dig new grooves into the hard plastic of the glove compartment. It should feel like home. It _does_ feel like home. It’s just that his lungs haven’t worked right for the last ten miles and his vision has narrowed dangerously and the knuckles on the steering wheel are turning white.

  
“Pull over, Dean.” Sam’s voice is soft and his eyes are still closed.

  
“Nah. I’m fine. Gotta make it in time.”

  
“You’re not. Now pull over, I’m not making you drive through a panic attack.”

Dean stops arguing. Just carefully slows down unto the gravel shoulder, Turns off the motor and leans his head against the wheel, still gasping for air. The dark stillness of being in the absolute middle of nowhere surrounds them. He feels Sam’s hand on his back grounding him, like he used to do when Sammy was little. In. Out. Time stretching between breaths. In. Out.

  
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  
“No. No it’s not. I’m not.” Dean turns his head to look at the silhouette of his brother against the glass. Sam stays silent, his hand still coaxing breath into his big brother. He knew better than to push when the great wall of Bravado finally crumbled.  
“I mean, I get it. You never wanted to come with me, I bullied you into it. You walked far away and hell, I don’t blame you. Even Dad can’t stand to be around me.” There’s tears now in his eyes. He tries to blink them away, refusing the proof that he’s that much of a failure.

  
“I didn’t walk away from you Dean. Not even from hunting. Not really.” Sam’s voice is far away, he’s leaning back and looking into the darkness outside the window, though his hand hasn’t moved.

  
“I walked away from Dad. I saw how he was tearing you apart, until I couldn’t watch anymore. I saw every blow you took for me, every night you went to bed hungry… And I knew, every time, that if that had been me it would have crushed me. And I… I think that would have killed you.”

Dean blinked. He hated talking about his feelings. But he hated this stretching silence even more.

  
“So. College? And _law_?” the last had a bit of surprise and some bitterness to it.  
Sam chuckled, but it was dry and humorless.

“Well, according to Dad, the only thing I was ever good at was being a nuisance, being a liability, or hitting the books for research.”

“Yeah, you always were a nerd.” Dean hit his head against the wheel. He hadn’t meant to be mean, the snark just always came first when he felt vulnerable and right now he was feeling freaking raw and helpless. He fully expected Sam to recoil, or bite back some insult. He did not expect to have his hair ruffled.

“Yeah, I was. Once I figured out the scholarship thing I figured I could work my butt off and not have you worry about me getting fed.” He moved his hand back to Dean’s shoulder.  
“Plus, I figured you weren’t going to stop hunting, so you were going to get caught at some point. I had this whole narrative of how, for once, I was going to come and rescue you and spring you from jail or something.”

Dean laughed, shaking away the last of the panic. Sam’s hand retreated from his shoulder, giving him back his personal space so that he could pull himself back together.

“God, we’re so messed up.”

“Yup.”

“So, what now, bitch?”

“You drive me home, jerk.” Sam raised his hands in a silent plea before his brother could answer. “You’re going to give me a couple days so I can see what options I have with the college. And end things cleanly with Jess, because she deserves at the very _least_ that much. And you’re going to let me pack properly, because _I_ deserve more than two spare shirts. Then we’ll go to Colorado.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Good.”  
Dean turned the key in the ignition, bringing the Impala roaring back to life around them.

“Yeah, okay. Let’s get you home.”

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. Comments?


End file.
